If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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