Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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