I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
