Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
