Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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