U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
