is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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