I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
