the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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