i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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