I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
