HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
