FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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