Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
