She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize