$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
