they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
