He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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