Only a mothe r could love this liver
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
