Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
