You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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