I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
