If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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