I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
