i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
