Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
