Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
