Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize