if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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