Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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