never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
