dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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