just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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