i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
