I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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