so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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