there's paper in my vomit.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
