you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
