If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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