I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the condom got lost in my hair
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
