i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
