I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
