Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
