You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
