i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
