We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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