Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
