:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
