fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He did a backflip because drugs
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
