He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
