i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
you never un-have a 4some
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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