epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
