i permit you to call me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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