took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
