Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
