"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
