Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
