dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my sisters under your porch take her home
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
