Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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