Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
