I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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