is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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