if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
