u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
