I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
