I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
