know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize