Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
