he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
