i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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