I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
