that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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