dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize