Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When did angry sex become our thing?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
