The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
