thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
