Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
