oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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