Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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