it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
